Completely hacked off.

Have spent all day wanting to down pills and sleep but Belle needs looking after so feel like screaming instead. Hubby has come home from work early to take over from me so I can crawl under my duvet. This is the second time this week he has had to come home early and I'm really not sure how he feels about all of this anymore.

I've been making some small changes to see if I can get any relief from the pain but as of yet nothing seems to be working. I hate taking the pills as I feel like a zombie on them but without them my speech and mobility are non existent.

A friend of mine is not well at the moment. She has low energy and needs lots of iron to get her back on track. I feel so jealous of her as I know that very soon she will be back to normal whilst I have to live in this shell that refuses to function. Don't get me wrong I hate seeing anyone feel ill...and I can't wait for her to be back at work and happy again...just wish it was me as well.

Yesterday I actually got dressed and put a load in the washing machine. Played with Belle and Tina popped round for a chat. Hubby came home and commented that I must be feeling better...then he ducked as I threw a toy at him! Its my kids I feel the most sorry for. My fifteen year old son is one of my carers and does a lot more than most boys of his age. Belle gets upset when I can't play or cuddle her and that breaks my heart.

Belle tends to get up very early in the morning so whenever anyone comments that I look tired they automatically put it down to Belle....I wish!

I also heard this week that someone in my little crafty world has been commenting on my illness. She cannot understand why I have to go to bed with it and has been questioning a mutual friend. Well read on....

Fibromyalgia affects us in different ways...for me its...chronic widespread pain, Migraine, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Irritable bladder, hot flushes, muscle spasms, heavy frequent periods, speech problems, short term and long term memory loss, weakness in limbs, eye sight problems, ME (fatigue), sleep disturbance, diminished attention span,depression, anxiety, the inability to multi task and twitching....( I also have a deterioration on the left hand side of my brain that was discovered in April when I had my MRI to see if I had MS)....so if I want to go to bed then I flipping will!

Can you tell I'm hacked off? Its hard enough being a mum and trying to get through each day without stupid bloody comments off other people. Don't get me wrong I don't want sympathy or pity (God I hate it when I'm out and people take one look at me shuffling along with my stick and BANG...there is pity in their eyes...drives me nuts.) but I don't question other peoples lives so why the heck is it ok for them to judge me or anyone else in my situation?

So for anyone out there that thinks us Fibromites are attention seeking (oh yes another blogger has accused me of that as well!) for sympathy...we're not...just some understanding for something that we have to come to terms with....every bloody day.

I'm not going to apologise for ranting because I think most of you know me by now and I'm sure you won't mind if I stomp my feet once in a while. So if I'm not around for a while I'm not going to feel guilty anymore. Hopefully once the cold weather is over and Belle is at nursery I may get some sanity back.
Em.x

A beautiful award....(1 of 4!)

I know I'm notorious for never collecting awards or tags but this one is so beautiful I couldn't leave it.....
So many thanks to Susie, Vikki, Christine, Pauline, and Dawn. Thanks so much girls as it is much appreciated.

I know that most of you have received this award already but I am going to pass it on to Alison, Pandy, Debs and Jane who themselves or a member of their family have something in common with me....but I wish we didn't. (Fibromyalgia if anyone was wondering!)
So if anyone else out there has a chronic illness please accept this award as well with love.
Gentle hugs,
Em.x

Heart breaking news

I have just had the terrible news that a very wonderful Fibromyalgia friend has passed away.
I never had the chance to meet Neil but chatted with him on a FM forum and he came across as very warm and caring.
The world lost a very special person today,x

Sometimes we are invisible....

I wasn't going to put anything else on today as I've been feeling rough this afternoon but I have to point you in the direction of this website http://www.princesskitten.co.uk/index.html
I asked on the Docrafts forum if any of the bloggers could send me their details...and Pandy sent me her website.
Not only is this woman so flipping talented its scary...she also suffers from the same chronic illness's that I do....Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, IBS and all the other horrible bits that go with this.
May the 12th is Fibromyalgia awareness day so leading up to it I am going to post a few items about it.
You don't have to read them...but living with this on a daily basis is so hard and so little is known about this 'invisible' illness. I spend a lot of my time stuck in bed and for someone who wants to achieve so much its cruel. But if we can get the word out about it and make people understand what it does to us then hopefully more funding will be put into finding a cure for it. We don't want sympathy...we just want to be 'normal'.
But it still won't stop me crafting!! LOL!!!